Jesus Marie - I can’t believe he asked me that.

"If you want to see my dick, you need to pay for a One on One."

"Papuppy here. Hi sweetie - how’s Robert tonight?"

"Hi Papuppy. Cool, you know. Getting near the end of my shift."

"You like my smile?"

Cumdoggy says, "My, my - let’s see that smile"

That’s my Max. Love that smile

Papuppy says, "Robert - show us your ass!"

Bonerman says, "Yep! Show it to us now!"

"Hi bonerman - you know the rules."

Monitor 1 says, "Guys! Press the One on One button and Robert will be all yours."

Cumdoggy says, "Max more than the smile. By the way, I’ll be in New York this weekend."

"So, are you saying something?"

Cumdoggy says, "Hey Bonerman, how are you this evening."

"Would be better if you were here, Cumdoggy"

SweetCA says, "Hey Anyone here from California!"

Creampuff say, "I am"

Where?

Cupertino

Cool! C U

"To Bonerman - how old are you?"

Old enough

"No fair! You can see me."

Cumdoggy says, "Show us more -"

"Teasers. How old Bonerman?"

(Bonerman signs-off"

Shit! He signed off. I scared him away.

(to Sprakie) Never ask their age Sprakie, it scares ‘em away.

Fuck! I could have told you that - you dumb ass newbie!

I’ll come over there and kick your ass.

What’s Guy doing - Awfully quiet over there.

I hear heavy breathing - he’s earning it, girl - doing the jack-off supreme!

Go for it Guy!

(in ecstasy) Shut your holes! You’ll make me blow this big spender’s dime. He’s been on for 25 minutes - nearing the $200 mark - and I want him again and again . . .

(laughing) and again. . .

(typing) "to Papuppy - Are you still there?"

Here, dear. Are you queer or what?

"I’m a Kinzie 6."

What the fuck’s that!

"Men only. I thought you knew. What do you do?"

I do them all.

Cumdoggy says, "Max, how long do I have to wait here?"

"tell ‘em Monitor 1"

Monitor 1 says, "Just press the button for a One on One and Max will be yours."

(with a french accent) Asspounder say, bon soir Robert.

Good evening Asspounder.

Missed anything?

To Asspounder from Papuppy. "You missed an exciting show from Robert. He’s the best"

"Thank you, Papuppy"

Cumdoggy says, "Max, what’s so funny?"

"Just felt like a laugh, Cumdoggy."

That’s it, Max. Wonderful. Keep going.

He’s going for it. Going . . . Going . . . he’s in!

(typing) "Hey Cumdoggy - we can fuck around with this keyboard or for an extra charge - dial me at 1-876-manlove."

Yes sir!

Asspounder says, "Robert, how long have you been In this room?"

"About to sign-off, Asspounder. Phillip will be strutting his stuff soon."

Oo la la!

So Cumdoggy, do you have a name?

I do - but let’s not waste time with that crap. Start taking it off.

Oooo. A real brute. What do you want to see?

Do you have toys?

Papuppy says, "Robert, how much longer?"

Time’s up, Papuppy.

(typing) "See you all tomorrow."

What time?

Check the fucking schedule asshole!

(typing) "I think I’m back at the same time sweetie. Have pleasant dreams."

(stands) And don’t swallow any wooden dicks!

Oh Cumdoggy! Wouldn’t you like to be here in my . . . (moans)

Wow Guy, he’s really into it tonight!

Hi Phil. Want some M&M’s.

Well hon, it’s about time you got your ass out of bed. Was he good-looking - but more important, did he pay well?

Too much lard here? A little more Gold’s Gym could be in order. Too many hours watching Millionaire and wishin’ in one hand and jerking off in the other.

It was a busy afternoon.

Oh, my break’s up.

Guy, you’re always eating and always tempting others. Get thee behind me Satan! I hope those aren’t Max/ M&M’s.

(laughs) You’re so funny Sprakie.

(heavy heated) Oh that’s the way you like it Cumdoggy.

All these doggies. The internet’s filled to the brime with dogs. I have a papuppy, and didn’t you have a schlogdoggie or fido or something . .

Hungbastard.

What does that have to do with dogs?

A bastard hound.

Fuck you. I’m too tired for this! Come, Tell Sprakie what or who you did today. Come, ‘fess up.

Actually, I took a long steamy bath and curled up with a book.

A book! Listen to Lady Chatterley here! Back copies of Advocate Personals or just some hard rock candy stuff? A book. The last time I picked up a book it was to call a florist, Jesus Marie - and that was to decorate for a doctor.

What ever happened to Doctor Dick of Death!

Please - I still can’t sit down. It was Doctor Brian McMoldau of the Gustave McMoldaus, East Hampton’s finest. Well . . I thought I told you this, sis - He was hung like a you-know-what, and rich as Margaret Truman - but he had one flaw - a small flaw. (pause) He was as ugly as a Goddamn monkey’s ass - and although he made it worth my while, there definitely was no call for me to be the permenant houseboy. So, when the Doctor was in, my eyes were shut else I’d start laughing - and giggles would mean no supper - no little spending money at Saks.

(laughing) Did you meet on-line?

Never date them (points to the chat room) Be polite, get them in the One on One - make fucking penpals out of them and they’ll come back and spend hundreds. Take your commission and go.

Sprakie, they’re not all that bad.

I forgot - you’ve made the rounds there. Well, tell me. Have you found the sugar daddy of your dreams yet?

No. But some of them are interested in more than a one nighter.

That’s the problem. Some of them are freaky with the love and romance. And . . . Oh, I know who you’re tinking of. No, no - that one you keep telling me about was not on tonight.

Tdye.

Tdye - what kinda screen name is that. I can live with Fuckmonger and Asspounder, but Tdye. What’s that Tie Dye - like they did to pants before we were born.

I believe it’s Thomas - and he’s a writer - and he’s very gentle in One on One . . .

Jesus Marie, you’re pathetique. Listen to me, I love you like my best set of luggage. Don’t fall for that line. He’s probably an old Troll. Or he’s a 10 year old kid using his father’s sign-on - or worse yet, he’s a straight serial killer.

(laughing) I doubt that. You’re just jealous because your tricks turn out to be losers.

They’re all losers - If you spend money for sex . . . come on hon!

Yeah, but look what they get!

(poses) Remember, I’m Saks - you’re J C Penney’s. But really - I worry about your little romantic notions. It’s ok to make the cash - I taught you well. But when you decide these dudes are worthy of more than that, I caution you! Remember what happened to Jimmy . . .

Jimmy was into heavy drugs, man. And I think he was out of control. He’d go with anything that walked.

Or crawled. He’d fuck a knot hole and worry about payment later!

Dumb-ass Boy’s making the bucks tonight. He doesn’t need any words of wisdom from Mama here. I think the dumber they are the more natural common sense comes to them in these matters. But, Jimmy . . .

It’s time for work.

Be home on time. And . . . call me later.

You listening? I don’t want to pick up a paper and see you sprawled across some Goddamn fence in the middle of Wyoming. I love your sorry ass - and worry about these romantic notions you get.

Call me later - promise me.

Hey!

I promise.

And give my regards to all those boyz out there in the dark - Sprakie’s ready for his close up Mr. Bill Gates

"I’m back boyz and available!"

Funpud says "Max that was hot."

"Thanks, Funpud! Like what you see in the small box, come have me full screen."

How’s your cold?

"Oh you sweetie. You remembered. Took lots of crap and its gone. "

Prissyqueen says, "Back in the saddle hon!"

"U bet, Prissyqueen! Riding those horses."

Monitor 1 says, "Max can be yours by pressing the One on One button. He’ll do anything you want."

Asspounder says, bon soir Phillippe!

"Hi Asspounder. How’s it going?"

Fine here in Montreal - cold. Come up and warm me up. How’s your French.

French is fine! And so’s my Greek!

Prissyqueen says, "Max, my lad! How long’s your shift."

"Prissyqueen, I don’t know - how long’s yours?"

(laughs) Long, longing and ready. You bad boy.

Asspounder says, "You look so luscious tonite, mon Phillippe!"

"Evening, Tdye."

Tdye says "Ah sweetheart. How are you tonite?"

Well Phillippe, are you ignoring me? You look so luscious tonite.

"Sorry, Asspounder - thanks for the compliment!"

Tdye says "Phil, Can we talk?"

Talk. O yes, I want to talk to you. And I’d better do it fast, ‘cause Asspounder’s horny tonight and he’ll beat all to the "button."

"Tdye - we could talk."

Private chat.

"We could, but . . ."

I know where the "button" is. I’m coming.

O yes. O yes. Press it. Press it. He’s in!

"Tom. You’re in."

Tdye says "Good. I wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed our little session 2 days ago. "

"Well, you better start commanding me now - as this is costing you a fortune."

No discounts?

"Tempting."

Well I just want to talk.

"Talk or not, I’m getting naked for you."

"Now, I want you to call me - but use the special number"

Hello - Tom

Well, well there’s a voice of an angel in that sweetheart’s body.

I’m blushing - and you can see it. Wait.

Since we’re just talking, I went on a break - You can still see me, but all the others can’t. And the meter’s not running.

Can you do that? Won’t you get in trouble? I don’t want to cause you any problem.

No problem. I’m their star attraction. Losing me would be like closing the place down.

I am greatly honored.

Well, not so fast. I can’t be on here like this forever. So, I have a question for you?

Shoot!

We’ve been chatting for 2 weeks. And you’ve seen every part of me.

Mmmm, and how.

And you seem to like what you see.

I’m here, am I not?

Am I not? (laughs) I love the way you speak professor. You know I love to read good stuff.

So you’ve said.

I mean like, Moby Dick

How appropriate.

Bitch! I’m serious. I’ve seen the movie and thought it really . . . really . .

Wet?

Shut up! Compelling. But then I picked up the book. I said to myself, who the fuck could get through this big motherfucker . . .

(laughs)

What are you laughing at? You’re not one of these snobby assholes who find me amusing because I am exploring a brave new world!

Brave New World? No, I just have never heard Moby Dick referred to as a Mother-fucker.

Oh! Well, that’s OK. I started reading it and it’s transformed me. The words are like little paintings - I can’t tell you - much better than the movie.

You know, Melville was gay?

You know, the mother-fucker who wrote the book.

Are you making fun of me?

Not fun of you - enjoying the exhuberance of your youth. It’s infectious.

That’s nice.

Have you ever seen a whale?

Like in the flesh?

Like in the aquarium?

In books only. Have you?

Yes, at sea.

That’s wonderful. I would love that. Where can you do that?

At Sea!

Actually at Provincetown - they have whale-watching excursions.

At P’Town. I’ve never been. Love to go. They say the boyz are hot there and it’s wonderfully gay.

And now another reason! PLUS they have some great new plays performed there. Have you been to the theatre?

Drags and such.

Ah! I would like to be with you when you see your first live theatrical performance.

You would?

I would! But you know, you never asked me the question you wanted to ask me.

Oh yeah. How old are you?

That’s not that old

Who said it was?

No one.

I mean, I have friends who are still alive at 54.

Oh I didn’t mean . . .

Don’t worry - I know you’re a tad younger than me.

A Tad. When you were my age, I wasn’t even born yet!

Now it’s my turn.

Bitch!

And are you like old and wrinkly - walk with a gimp and have a hunchback!

Actually, I’m in a wheel chair - and lost a testicle in Vietnam.

I’m sorry.

(laughs)

You bitch! How could I know?

Let’s not make assumptions. If you want to know what I look like - I could email you a picture - a jpeg . . . .or . . . .

That would be nice - maybe a naked one ---- but we could like . . .

Like what?

Meet somewhere

That would be fine with me. You won’t mind my seeing-eye dog?

Cut it out! I need to get back to work. So, do you know where The Imperial Coffee Mug is in the East Village?

Know it well. What day?

Tonight?

Great!

I’m off at 9.

Come as you are. (laughs) I’ll see you then.

See you then

Yes, my sweetheart.

Bye

Bye

Yes! Yes, yes, yes!!