I know - yet another bunch of essays on web design. Yet, there is a need in my case at least to write my thoughts down on this subject. These are the some secrets of the corporate entrepreneur called "'the Webmaster"; who, despite uncovering the truth of web matters, can never reveal the secret. But, like a renegade magician who shows the trap door, I will reveal the wonders of the blunders corporations make when dealing with the simple matter of the web. There are thrills and chills and definitely spills. You will witness a great communication revolution gone south. You will learn how to inflate costs, create havoc, manage to get no where with lots of effort and finally to defy every good notion of great design, all in the name of medieval mentality. I say medieval because, as a historian I see many parallels with the medieval thinking Technocracy (a combo-word – Technology + Bureaucracy).

These essays are what is known as an "avoidance" work. You should learn how to avoid mistakes through these parodies. If you get a chuckle out of this work, or perhaps shed a tear, at least I have the utmost pleasure in revealing the innards of how corporate web professionals manage to squander countless budgets on sometimes worthless projects and still manage to keep employment. Before you jump to the conclusion that this work is but a bit whimsical, remember I have lived this whimsy, and thought, with good reason, that it could be turned into either a valuable road map or a comic opera (or both). Whether I level judgment or not on processes and archetypes is not at issue. The fact is that the secrets need to be revealed. The price will be my banishment from the clan of the holy fire.

I love the World Wide Web. Web design is one of many of my life’s passions. There is true and real excitement on the Internet; however, I have been to the darker side of it all. Unfortunately, there’s a formula widespread in Corporate America which fosters "web failure". If success means spending less on technology to more accessible results or the loosening of control from the sacred order of St. Rectal, then in some quarters there are victory celebrations.

Failure somehow is installed with such efforts. For every convenience there must be a resolution. For every non-certified programmer, there must be a wall built. For every decrease in the technology budget, there must be a boondoggle to assure that something is spent. It's the government on the private scale; but, that's someone else's book.

So, just lean back, read, listen to me and enjoy, if you can. If you get some heartburn, take a Nexium; but, if you ever decide to work the web, work the opposite side of the street from some of the corporate bamboozle. In all events, this book should amuse you to some level of understanding. In the words of W.S. Gilbert, one of my literary mentors:

"He who’d make his fellow, fellow, fellow creatures wise,
Should always guild the philosophic pill!"
- Jack Point
The Yeomen of the Guard, 1888

E. C. Patterson