A new day is dawning for Dundee & Batcliff. After 175 years of publishing . . . since the days when Mr. Peter Aloisius Dundee arrived from Scotland and joined hands with Josiah Batcliff to form what has become the largest speciality publishing firm in these United States . . . we stand on the brink, once again, of greatness.

Great things have been planned. Great measures have been taken. Now, I know that these last three years has been pretty hard - and the news has been pretty bleak. But, now, your shareholders have given great confidence to a new man - a man of vision and ideas. A man who can return us to the profitability that this great corporation has become accustomed to.

So, it is with great pleasure I introduce our new Chairman of the Board. A man who needs no introduction. A man who for four decades has rubbed shoulders with the captains of industry. The man who helped make the Ulmec Corporation the household name that it is today. So, fire up your enthusiasm for the embodiment of leadrship, who will lead the new charge for renewal at Dundee & Batcliff - Mr. J. Babcock Saul.

I am a captain of industry! And like all captains lead . . . is it hot in here? Did someone forget to turn on the air? Am I to do everything myself - I’m not the janitor you know! I’m the Chairman of the Board!

And like all captains of industry, I mean to lead this ship to success. Dundee & Batcliff has been the industry leader for over 175 years, bringing great stature to the publishing nation. It’s brand means something to all who see the little "sparrow" logo - it means quality and trust. But, in recent years, I feel that that little sparrow has gone astray. I have been empowered to bring her back to her proper perch.

Thank you. Thank you all. Now, I believe that we have some divisions and department that may need some pruning - both in titles and lines - and I also believe that we must look at our assets carefully. The shareholders of this great enterprise are entitled to a monetary return that will make us all proud. So, there will be change. There WILL be change.

Central to these changes will be a careful look at how our business is run. I believe in a leadership model that far outweighs the role of the individual. Teamwork is supreme - and leaders are part of a great corporate consciousness. This is the blueprint for success! This is the blueprint for success indeed. And I have been in this business for 45 years and know it, because I have breathed it. I just didn’t make it up yesterday and will hope to make it all work. I … I … I have crafted this method over many years, and it will work. It WILL work! IT WILL WORK!!!

Questions. Questions for Mr. J. Babcock Saul? There . . . the person over there - yes, there.

Yes, Mr. Saul. I’m Bernard Milker from the Literary division. Will there be any divisions closed in the near future?

Good question Bernie, good question.

Thank you Bernard Milker. Yes, another question, please? There, is that Miss Germania from accounting?

Yes, that’s me. (clears her throat) Mr. Saul, we appreciate your vision of leadership. Will this mean we will be following the Ulmec method of evaluating associate performance.

Another excellent question. What an astute group. Yes, we will, except where it doesn’t apply. One last question.

There, pass the mike to Mr. Fischer. Take it Mr. Fischer.

Mr. Fischer here, from the Technical manual division. I have been with the company for 28 years and have seen many changes. Will you be reviewing the benefit plan and especially the pension funds?

Ah, Mr. Fischer, who has been here for 28 years. You know, 28 years might just as well be 1 year to me. Experience in success is a very important factor; however, when a corporation needs help and is floundering, to boast of many years with the company is to take responsibility for its current state. Now, trust me - your point of view is very well heeded, but you speak from a point of view that holds the very culture we mean to replace.

But, my question was . . .

. . . Fischer, I know what your question was and still is. And my answer is, it WILL be reviewed.

Thank you Mr. Fischer for your question. That’s all we have time for. Everyone, let’s give another round of applause for Mr. J. Babcock Saul.

Well, John my boy! These are fine digs here, don’t you think - and the old protrait is in a good light, wouldn’t you say?

This is better than at Ulmec, J.B. The view is spectacular.

Fuck the view! Whether we’re in the basement or on the top floor, if you’re with me, you’re at the top of the world.

It’s been some journey, J.B.. But, you need to look at this offer for the Scientific division. It’s quite a nice deal.

You don’t say. Where’s Gil Samuel?

I told him to be here?

The management of this company is shit! They just don’t get it! That is they will get it! The axe if I have my way.

J.B. you need Gil Samuel.

I don’t need any fucking lawyer’s legal council, especially some old fart who justifies . . . .

. . . transition, J.B., transition. You need him for now.

You sound like we need his annointment or something.

Oh well, I guess you’re right.

. . .ah, well speak of the devil.

Sorry I’m late, Mr. Saul . . .

Please call be Babcock - or just, J.B. But never B.S (laughs)

Have you met Miss End?

No I haven’t.

Dora End, assistant legal councillor.

My pleasure. Have a seat. And you all know Jonathan Warren here - who is my Director of Special Projects, and currently on mergers and acquisitions.

Miss End. Mr. Samuel.

John has been with me for some time and has come on board from Ulmec. He’s become a real asset to me. He’s like my own son, eh, John?

It’s great to have a son in the business. My son worked here for years, but moved on. I sometimes wished he stayed here to carry on after I retire. But, you know children. They have their own mind and way.

Well, in that respect John is better than a son, because if my own children had decided to follow in my foot-steps, they would need a size eleven - and John here wears a size eleven. Besides, Gil, retirement doesn’t always need the continuation of old patterns by our clones - eh, Miss End?

Well, the reason for this little conclave today is to discuss our most valueable asset . . .

The Scientific division.

Yes, how perceptive. (to Dora) Tell me about this division, Miss End, why don’t you.

What’s there to tell. While the rest of the divisions have been either flat or slow growers, the Scientific has been a wild success.

Mostly due to the progressive management team, I might add, headed by David Preston.

David Preston has certainly come to our attention, eh John?

Good.

Well, he certainly knows the division - and has certainly been innovative. But, he is also rather . . . how should I say it . . .

Openly Gay.

Well there you have it! I know it sounds rather elitist, but if you’re a homosexual in a position of leadership, you should keep it under control. After all, what kind of role model is that?

I must say, J.B., you surprise me.

No, don’t get me wrong. I believe in diversity. I love to look around a room and see all those black and asian faces - and I know we are leveraging the proper mix of employee talent - and it’s good for business. But, these Gays don’t really add to that mix, do they?

Well, I think David Preston would disagree.

And do you?

Eh, do you think I am wrong to state that anything intrinsically Gay is a proper business value. This Preston fella must have some strength, but it’s not because he’s Gay. It’s because he’s got business smarts and good sense; and there’s my problem - because he is so out of the closet and in your face - and leads causes and heads committees and champions things like domestic partnerships and inclusion of same-sex couples at the Christmas party. I don’t know. What’s the point?

Associates look up to him.

And THAT’s my point. He’s part of a mystique - a dangerous, misrepresentation of good feelings and political correctness. This is not the proper tone for my blueprint.

J.B. - I hope we can come to some concensus regarding David Preston, because he will be here to review your plan.

And, what plan is that.

To sell the Scientific division.

Why be surprised. We need capital. Now, we will lay off a number of associates and also close down some crappy divisions. But if we want that "sparrow" to find it’s proper perch, we need some real capital. The shareholders have me on a very strict timetable. So, look around you folks - unless we sell the chairs and the plants in the corner, the only plum, and it’s a real plum, is the Scientific division.

And we have an offer already.

(reading) This is impressive, Jonathan. This is real money. I never thought that the Scientific division would be so . . .

. . . so bankable. And let’s face it. The division is like tits on a bull (to Dora) pardon my French. All the other divisions have the same settled market niche - but the Scientific is special, especially with the software products. And the only competition is . . .

. . .Linkletter.

Hiram Linkletter.

Bingo!

Linkletter publishing? This offer is from Linkletter?

It’s preliminary and contingent on many things, and one of them J.B. is David Preston.

Eh! And speaking of which, he's supposed to be here.

I scheduled him in after we meet.

Well, anyway, councillors - please take copies of this away with you and do your lawyerly duties. I need a clean read and counter offer as soon as possible.

(rising) Well, Dora, let’s get to it. I’ll send Dave Preston in . . . is that ok?

Eh! Whatever.

Well, John, I’ll see this . . . what’s his name?

David Preston.

Whatever. But, whether I sell him to Linkletter or not, I want you to be the driving force. I need for you to help effect any little correction needed to make this deal work. There are high expectations of me this time out, and I mean to deliver. I mean to be the man in the painting here. Meanwhile, I need to piss.

Excuse me, is Mr. Babcock Saul here? I have an appointment.

Well, hello. J.B. is indisposed at the moment. I’m Jonathan Warren. You must be David Preston. Please come in - and sit.

Mr. Warren . . .

. . . Jonathan . . .

. . . Jonathan, glad to make your acquaintance. I read the announcement that you joined the firm from Ulmec. Welcome to Dundee & Batcliff.

Well, I thank you. And I have heard so much about the Scientific division and it’s phenomenal growth. Congratulations.

Thank you. We are a hard working team at the Scientific. And we have lots of ideas on the drawing board. I have been anxious to talk to Mr. Saul about them. I am sure he’ll want to continue the division’s growth.

I’m sure he’ll be interested.

Well, well, this must be . . .(looking to Jonathan)

David Preston, head of the Scientific division.

Yes, yes. Don’t get up. It’s not necessary this time.

Thank you for meeting with me, Mr. Saul.

J.B. call me J.B. - but never B.S. (laughs) John, get Dave here some coffee. You’d like some coffee?

Well, if it’s no trouble.

No trouble at all. How do you take it?

Milk and 2 sugars.

Well, Dave - I have heard quite a bit about you and the Scientific division.

Thank you --- J.B. - Our team has been rather successful and . . .

Don’t mention it. Great strides in one area over the other only wrecks the overall fibre of teamwork. I feel strongly that successful managers need to leverage their successes for the overall greater good.

Thank you. (takes the cup). But the Scientific division is different than the rest of the company.

Of really. How so?

My team has been very hard working and innovative. Right now we have plans for a new software line - interactive training on all the major personal computer platforms. This work will . . .

(hold his hand up) You need to learn when to keep quiet and when to listen!

Ah! (quite taken aback)

No, listen and learn. I am not interested in what plans the Scientific divison has. It’s irrelevant. I am more interested in the leadership model and why your talent to lead did not effect good results company wide.

Well, I am looked upon as a leader by many.

Well, you’re Gay and I suppose the homosexuals look up to you. And I have looked at the record and see you have headed up many diversity issues here at Dundee & Batcliff. But diversity needs to be measurable. I’ve seen the brochures, the awarness efforts and I don’t mean to demean your efforts - but they are just words on paper and guess what happens with them. They wind up in the rubbish bin.

Maybe, I ought to leave.

Maybe you should. But before you do, there are some important things you need to know. I’ll send John here over to your office to fill you in. Meanwhile, just think about what I’ve said. In business we quantify everything. Awareness programs and future software plans are not where it’s at if you have leadership values that count. Trust me. I’m not making this up. I’ve applied it many times over many years with great success.

I’ll be over shortly to fill you in.

Did you want to see me Barney?

Yes, David. I have a problem with the . . .

Oh, is this a bad time?

Maybe it is Barney. Ah! Barney Harper, this is Jonathan Warren. He works for the big boss.

No, don’t leave on my account. (puts the coffee down). Nice to meet you Barney. (to David) You left your coffee. Go on Barney don’t mind me.

Ok. This morning we found a bug in the processing requirements for the GPLC program and a full 400 records bombed.

Well Fuck me! Did Richards look at it?

Yes. Twice. No go. I was thinking we need Mike Frisco.

Can’t afford him. (to Joanthan) He’s a consultant. (to Barney) Have you run the code yourself?

Not yet.

Well, do your best. But if we don’t get this fix today, we’ll be off-schedule - and we can’t afford that. Let me know.

Barney, close the door.

Shit! Piss and corruption! This has been one fucking stressful day! Is your boss always like that?

It’s his style.

Well, he really showed his respect for the hard workers in this company by regarding teamwork as crap and worthless. And how do you think I feel being told all my efforts and passion can be tossed in the garbage. What an asshole!

Oh. I’m sorry. This is steam! I know you must think differently.

He’s an acquired taste. Actually, the more he insults you, the more impressed he is with you.

Impressed! I’m happy he doesn’t love me to bits - ‘cause he’d probably blow me to bits.

You have quite a temper.

Well, I work very long and hard hours. I’m very proud of the accomplishments of this division; and when, the Chairmen of the Board minimizes it and calls it a blight - and our success is the company’s problem - it fries my ass. I can hardly be contained.

And what’s all these comments about me being Gay - What a homphobic prick! How can I take this?

Calm down! Calm down! When you hear what’s going on, you’ll see things in a different light.

I will eh?

You will, eh!

OK. Brighten my day, Jonathan. I defy you. Let’s hear it.

Ok. You’re being sold.

(Standing) Sold!

Shhh! Not so loud. This is a good thing.

For who? Who’s buying us?

Listen to me - calm down. We got a great offer - but before I can give you the details, you need to sign this.

What’s this?

A confidentiality agreement.

(reads) Keep going. I’ll sign it. Keep going.

Well, the Scientific division is different - you’re correct in that. It’s grown and growing and doesn’t fit the rest of the company’s marketplace. In order to do what we need to do with the rest of the company, J.B. needs quick cash. So, the Scientific is a monetized asset.

(signing) And who’s the prospective buyer?

Hiram Linkletter.

Of that’s fine and dandy. We’re being bought by the competition. They’ll smash us to hell.

You’ll all get smashed to hell if you’re not sold. Some of those great innovative ideas and projects will get a willing ear - and I think the division will merge quite painlessly for all.

You sound a little like your boss now.

Well, it is practical. And the question is whether you will sold as part of the deal.

Is there any question?

Oh there is? So, that’s what all that crap was about me being Gay and all. I get it now/ My ideas are fine, but an openly Gay manager may diminish the amount of cash value. So, no more dresses at work? Earring is out! Do I marry the bosses daughter and have a kid. This is piracy.

You have to understand how J.B. thinks. Before he negotiates a deal, he looks at all aspects. Now, I am very important in this decision. He will listen to my opinion in this matter. So, over the next few days, I want to spend some time with your direct reports and some of the other staff.

Snooping?

No, quantifying the deal. And maybe we can talk about the new programs you plan and let’s look at the track record.

You have problems with someone looking over your shoulder?

Yes I do. It’s not my style. How would you feel?

I will open myself up to you. I won’t ask any question that I myself wouldn’t answer.

Ok. That’s fair. Are you married?

(laughs) Oh, so you’re first with the questions?

Ok, no, I’m not married. And I went to Columbia University - MA in business. I’m originally from a small town outside of Pittsburgh. I buy my suits at . . .

. . . ok, ok, I get the point. I see you also workout.

New York Sports Club - and I assume you work out at Gold’s?

(laughs. Drinks coffee). This is cold. Listen, it’s almost quiting time. Are you humgry?

Famished.

I know a great place.

To a success in this venture.

Let’s not drink to that. It takes me a little bit of time to warm up to things.

Well, how about drinking to good company.

Good company!

What I don’t understand is that you’re such a nice guy and you’re working for that . . . that . . .

Prick!

Nicely and aptly put.

It has its rewards.

Is all the promotion and advancement worth working for such an egotisitcal bastard.

Well, as I said, J.B. is an acquired taste. But he has very particular views on leadership and mangement. In fact, he once told me that the word "manage" should be taken literally, from its root.

Its root?

The French manage - the walk a horse through its paces.

Nice. Management is something altogether different than that. There’s a human element - not an equestrian one.

But, it's supposed to be good for the horse - and the success of the enterprise. The results are always predictable.

Predictable? I should say so. You have a bunch of trained monkeys under stress - and the manager is under just as much stress. Where’s the spontaneity and the innovation. Guidance is better than management - and guidance to a mutually beneficial plan.

I believe in that. That’s why I offer you some guidance through J.B.’s unconventional ways. I know the man.

Guidance. I think I know the man also.

Just a few adjustments in style and he’ll be won over. Litle compromises that show him he’s in control and he’s the boss.

You mean some guidance in being less Gay at work. Now how could YOU help me there?

What?

Nothing.

Looks pretty fresh.

I guess so. Pretty fresh indeed.

What? Something wrong with yours?

No. It’s fine.

Tell me, what do Gay men from Pittsburgh do in Pittsburgh?

Why do you ask me?