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Scene 1
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An Auditorium at
Dundee & Batcliff. The stage is set with the company logo
"a sparrow", a speaker’s podium and chairs set across
the stage in preparation for the CEO, J. Babcock Saul, to
address an assembly of employees. Sitting in the chairs is
Babcock’s staff - Mr. Boles, Mr. Fight, Ms. Hager, Mrs. Grimshaw,
Mr. Pilasar, Jonathan Warren. Babcock Saul sits in the center
chair, while Jonathan Wrren sits on his right hand side. Gilbert
Samuel, the chief legal council is at the podium as the curtain
rises. There’s an empty chair for him, which he’ll sit in
whenever he is not speaking. There’s a banner across the stage
that reads: "Renewed Leadership will Return Value to
Our Corporation." The playgoing audience is the employee
audience for this scene. There will be questions coming from
either actors or audience volunteers (who are preped and queued
for their lines).
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SAMUEL
Addressing the
group
A new day is dawning
for Dundee & Batcliff. After 175 years of publishing . . .
since the days when Mr. Peter Aloisius Dundee arrived from Scotland
and joined hands with Josiah Batcliff to form what has become
the largest speciality publishing firm in these United States
. . . we stand on the brink, once again, of greatness.
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Great things have been
planned. Great measures have been taken. Now, I know that these
last three years has been pretty hard - and the news has been
pretty bleak. But, now, your shareholders have given great confidence
to a new man - a man of vision and ideas. A man who can return
us to the profitability that this great corporation has become
accustomed to.
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So, it is with great
pleasure I introduce our new Chairman of the Board. A man who
needs no introduction. A man who for four decades has rubbed shoulders
with the captains of industry. The man who helped make the Ulmec
Corporation the household name that it is today. So, fire up your
enthusiasm for the embodiment of leadrship, who will lead the
new charge for renewal at Dundee & Batcliff - Mr. J. Babcock
Saul.
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Everyone stands
and applauds. Samuel urges the audience to get to their feet
and applaud. Babcock Saul acknowledges the accolades and makes
his way to the podium. Samuel sits and the hullabaloo settles
down.
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J.B.
SAUL
I am a captain of industry!
And like all captains lead . . . is it hot in here? Did someone
forget to turn on the air? Am I to do everything myself - I’m
not the janitor you know! I’m the Chairman of the Board!
He looks at the
staff on stage. Mr. Fight gets up and exits, to take care
of the air conditioning. Babcock Saul is pleased and proceeds.
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And like all captains
of industry, I mean to lead this ship to success. Dundee &
Batcliff has been the industry leader for over 175 years, bringing
great stature to the publishing nation. It’s brand means something
to all who see the little "sparrow" logo - it means
quality and trust. But, in recent years, I feel that that little
sparrow has gone astray. I have been empowered to bring her back
to her proper perch.
Applause. Mr. Fight
returns to his seat.
Thank you. Thank you
all. Now, I believe that we have some divisions and department
that may need some pruning - both in titles and lines - and I
also believe that we must look at our assets carefully. The shareholders
of this great enterprise are entitled to a monetary return that
will make us all proud. So, there will be change. There WILL be
change.
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Applause. A little
less. Mr. Samuel signals for more - and there is more.
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Central to these changes
will be a careful look at how our business is run. I believe in
a leadership model that far outweighs the role of the individual.
Teamwork is supreme - and leaders are part of a great corporate
consciousness. This is the blueprint for success! This is the
blueprint for success indeed. And I have been in this business
for 45 years and know it, because I have breathed it. I just didn’t
make it up yesterday and will hope to make it all work. I … I
… I have crafted this method over many years, and it will work.
It WILL work! IT WILL WORK!!!
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Applause - wild
aplause. The staff stands. Mr. Samuel comes to the podium
beside Mr. Saul. He restores order
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SAMUEL
Questions. Questions
for Mr. J. Babcock Saul? There . . . the person over there - yes,
there.
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The three questions
come from either audience members or shill actors in the audience.
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QUESTIONER
1
Yes, Mr. Saul. I’m
Bernard Milker from the Literary division. Will there be any divisions
closed in the near future?
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SAUL
Good question Bernie,
good question.
He doesn’t answer
the question.
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SAMUEL
Thank you Bernard Milker.
Yes, another question, please? There, is that Miss Germania from
accounting?
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QUESTIONER
2
Yes, that’s me. (clears
her throat) Mr. Saul, we appreciate your vision of leadership.
Will this mean we will be following the Ulmec method of evaluating
associate performance.
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SAUL
Another excellent question.
What an astute group. Yes, we will, except where it doesn’t apply.
One last question.
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SAMUEL
There, pass the mike
to Mr. Fischer. Take it Mr. Fischer.
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QUESTIONER
3
Mr. Fischer here, from
the Technical manual division. I have been with the company for
28 years and have seen many changes. Will you be reviewing the
benefit plan and especially the pension funds?
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SAUL
Ah, Mr. Fischer, who
has been here for 28 years. You know, 28 years might just as well
be 1 year to me. Experience in success is a very important factor;
however, when a corporation needs help and is floundering, to
boast of many years with the company is to take responsibility
for its current state. Now, trust me - your point of view is very
well heeded, but you speak from a point of view that holds the
very culture we mean to replace.
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QUESTIONER
3
But, my question was
. . .
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SAUL
. . . Fischer, I know
what your question was and still is. And my answer is, it WILL
be reviewed.
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SAMUEL
Thank you Mr. Fischer
for your question. That’s all we have time for. Everyone, let’s
give another round of applause for Mr. J. Babcock Saul.
Applause. Lights
dim. Scene changes
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Scene 2
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Babcock Saul’s
office. It’s a large office, with a good view from the window
of the city. There’s a large desk, and a table, a sofa and
several potted plants. There’s a large picture of Babcock
Saul on the wall.
Babcock is behind
the desk. With him, overseeing some papers is Jonathan Warren,
his director of special projects. Jonathan is 28, in fine
business attire and keeps placing papers before Babcock Saul
for his review.
Babcock looks up
for a moment from the paperwork.
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SAUL
Well, John my boy!
These are fine digs here, don’t you think - and the old protrait
is in a good light, wouldn’t you say?
He gets up and
proudly inspects his own portrait
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JONATHAN
This is better than
at Ulmec, J.B. The view is spectacular.
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SAUL
Fuck the view! Whether
we’re in the basement or on the top floor, if you’re with me,
you’re at the top of the world.
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JONATHAN
It’s been some journey,
J.B.. But, you need to look at this offer for the Scientific division.
It’s quite a nice deal.
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SAUL
You don’t say. Where’s
Gil Samuel?
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JONATHAN
I told him to be here?
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SAUL
The management of this
company is shit! They just don’t get it! That is they will get
it! The axe if I have my way.
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JONATHAN
J.B. you need Gil Samuel.
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SAUL
I don’t need any fucking
lawyer’s legal council, especially some old fart who justifies
. . . .
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JONATHAN
. . . transition, J.B.,
transition. You need him for now.
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SAUL
You sound like we need
his annointment or something.
Pause
Oh well, I guess you’re
right.
Enter Gilbert
Samuel and Dora End
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. . .ah, well speak
of the devil.
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SAMUEL
Sorry I’m late, Mr.
Saul . . .
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SAUL
Please call be Babcock
- or just, J.B. But never B.S (laughs)
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SAMUEL
Have you met Miss End?
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SAUL
No I haven’t.
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END
Dora End, assistant
legal councillor.
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SAUL
My pleasure. Have a
seat. And you all know Jonathan Warren here - who is my Director
of Special Projects, and currently on mergers and acquisitions.
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JONATHAN
Miss End. Mr. Samuel.
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SAUL
John has been with
me for some time and has come on board from Ulmec. He’s become
a real asset to me. He’s like my own son, eh, John?
Pause
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SAMUEL
It’s great to have
a son in the business. My son worked here for years, but moved
on. I sometimes wished he stayed here to carry on after I retire.
But, you know children. They have their own mind and way.
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SAUL
Well, in that respect
John is better than a son, because if my own children had decided
to follow in my foot-steps, they would need a size eleven - and
John here wears a size eleven. Besides, Gil, retirement doesn’t
always need the continuation of old patterns by our clones - eh,
Miss End?
Pause
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Well, the reason for
this little conclave today is to discuss our most valueable asset
. . .
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SAMUEL
The Scientific division.
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SAUL
Yes, how perceptive.
(to Dora) Tell me about this division, Miss End, why don’t you.
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END
What’s there to tell.
While the rest of the divisions have been either flat or slow
growers, the Scientific has been a wild success.
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SAMUEL
Mostly due to the progressive
management team, I might add, headed by David Preston.
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SAUL
David Preston has certainly
come to our attention, eh John?
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SAMUEL
Good.
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SAUL
Well, he certainly
knows the division - and has certainly been innovative. But, he
is also rather . . . how should I say it . . .
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SAMUEL
Openly Gay.
Jonathan reacts
to this
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SAUL
Well there you have
it! I know it sounds rather elitist, but if you’re a homosexual
in a position of leadership, you should keep it under control.
After all, what kind of role model is that?
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SAMUEL
I must say, J.B., you
surprise me.
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SAUL
No, don’t get me wrong.
I believe in diversity. I love to look around a room and see all
those black and asian faces - and I know we are leveraging the
proper mix of employee talent - and it’s good for business. But,
these Gays don’t really add to that mix, do they?
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SAMUEL
Well, I think David
Preston would disagree.
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SAUL
And do you?
Pause
Eh, do you think I
am wrong to state that anything intrinsically Gay is a proper
business value. This Preston fella must have some strength, but
it’s not because he’s Gay. It’s because he’s got business smarts
and good sense; and there’s my problem - because he is so out
of the closet and in your face - and leads causes and heads committees
and champions things like domestic partnerships and inclusion
of same-sex couples at the Christmas party. I don’t know. What’s
the point?
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SAMUEL
Associates look up
to him.
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SAUL
And THAT’s my point.
He’s part of a mystique - a dangerous, misrepresentation of good
feelings and political correctness. This is not the proper tone
for my blueprint.
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JONATHAN
J.B. - I hope we can
come to some concensus regarding David Preston, because he will
be here to review your plan.
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END
And, what plan is that.
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SAUL
To sell the Scientific
division.
Both Samuel and
Dora are surprised
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Why be surprised. We
need capital. Now, we will lay off a number of associates and
also close down some crappy divisions. But if we want that "sparrow"
to find it’s proper perch, we need some real capital. The shareholders
have me on a very strict timetable. So, look around you folks
- unless we sell the chairs and the plants in the corner, the
only plum, and it’s a real plum, is the Scientific division.
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JONATHAN
(passing out papers)
And we have an offer
already.
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SAMUEL
(reading) This is impressive,
Jonathan. This is real money. I never thought that
the Scientific division would be so . . .
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SAUL
. . . so bankable.
And let’s face it. The division is like tits on a bull (to Dora)
pardon my French. All the other divisions have the same settled
market niche - but the Scientific is special, especially with
the software products. And the only competition is . . .
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END
. . .Linkletter.
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SAMUEL
Hiram Linkletter.
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SAUL
Bingo!
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SAMUEL
Linkletter publishing?
This offer is from Linkletter?
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JONATHAN
It’s preliminary and
contingent on many things, and one of them J.B. is David Preston.
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SAUL
Eh! And speaking of
which, he's supposed to be here.
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JONATHAN
I scheduled him in
after we meet.
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SAUL
Well, anyway, councillors
- please take copies of this away with you and do your lawyerly
duties. I need a clean read and counter offer as soon as possible.
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SAMUEL
(rising) Well, Dora,
let’s get to it. I’ll send Dave Preston in . . . is that ok?
Pause
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SAUL
Eh! Whatever.
(rises as Dora
and Samuel leaves. He goes to his portrait and gazes at it
admiring it)
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Well, John, I’ll see
this . . . what’s his name?
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JONATHAN
David Preston.
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SAUL
Whatever. But, whether
I sell him to Linkletter or not, I want you to be the driving
force. I need for you to help effect any little correction needed
to make this deal work. There are high expectations of me this
time out, and I mean to deliver. I mean to be the man in the painting
here. Meanwhile, I need to piss.
Exits to his private
toilet
Jonathan looks
out the window and admires the view. David Preston enters
hesitating at the door. David is 31, very attractive, dressed
in casual business attire, has an earring and particularly
well styled hair.
He sees Jonathan.
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DAVID
Excuse me, is Mr. Babcock
Saul here? I have an appointment.
Jonathan turns,
sees David and immediately greets him with a handshake. It
is obvious that David captivates Jonathan.
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JONATHAN
Well, hello. J.B. is
indisposed at the moment. I’m Jonathan Warren. You must be David
Preston. Please come in - and sit.
David sits.
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DAVID
Mr. Warren . . .
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JONATHAN
. . . Jonathan . .
.
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DAVID
. . . Jonathan, glad
to make your acquaintance. I read the announcement that you joined
the firm from Ulmec. Welcome to Dundee & Batcliff.
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JONATHAN
Well, I thank you.
And I have heard so much about the Scientific division and it’s
phenomenal growth. Congratulations.
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DAVID
Thank you. We are a
hard working team at the Scientific. And we have lots of ideas
on the drawing board. I have been anxious to talk to Mr. Saul
about them. I am sure he’ll want to continue the division’s growth.
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JONATHAN
I’m sure he’ll be interested.
Sound of a toilet
flushing. Then a sink running. Re-enter Saul
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SAUL
Well, well, this must
be . . .(looking to Jonathan)
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JONATHAN
David Preston, head
of the Scientific division.
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SAUL
Yes, yes. Don’t get
up. It’s not necessary this time.
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DAVID
Thank you for meeting
with me, Mr. Saul.
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SAUL
J.B. call me J.B. -
but never B.S. (laughs) John, get Dave here some coffee. You’d
like some coffee?
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DAVID
Well, if it’s no trouble.
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JONATHAN
No trouble at all.
How do you take it?
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DAVID
Milk and 2 sugars.
Jonathan exits
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SAUL
Well, Dave - I have
heard quite a bit about you and the Scientific division.
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DAVID
Thank you --- J.B.
- Our team has been rather successful and . . .
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SAUL
Don’t mention it. Great
strides in one area over the other only wrecks the overall fibre
of teamwork. I feel strongly that successful managers need to
leverage their successes for the overall greater good.
Re-enter Jonathan
with the coffee.
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DAVID
Thank you. (takes the
cup). But the Scientific division is different than the rest of
the company.
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SAUL
Of really. How so?
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DAVID:
My team has been very
hard working and innovative. Right now we have plans for a new
software line - interactive training on all the major personal
computer platforms. This work will . . .
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SAUL
(hold his hand up)
You need to learn when to keep quiet and when to listen!
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DAVID
Ah! (quite taken aback)
Jonathan is also
a bit shicked.
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SAUL
No, listen and learn.
I am not interested in what plans the Scientific divison has.
It’s irrelevant. I am more interested in the leadership model
and why your talent to lead did not effect good results company
wide.
(pause)
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DAVID
Well, I am looked upon
as a leader by many.
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SAUL
Well, you’re Gay and
I suppose the homosexuals look up to you. And I have looked at
the record and see you have headed up many diversity issues here
at Dundee & Batcliff. But diversity needs to be measurable.
I’ve seen the brochures, the awarness efforts and I don’t mean
to demean your efforts - but they are just words on paper and
guess what happens with them. They wind up in the rubbish bin.
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Long pause
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DAVID
Maybe, I ought to leave.
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SAUL
Maybe you should. But
before you do, there are some important things you need to know.
I’ll send John here over to your office to fill you in. Meanwhile,
just think about what I’ve said. In business we quantify everything.
Awareness programs and future software plans are not where it’s
at if you have leadership values that count. Trust me. I’m not
making this up. I’ve applied it many times over many years with
great success.
He stands and goes
over to the window with his back turned.
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JONATHAN
I’ll be over shortly
to fill you in.
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David is mystified.
He stands, puts his coffee down and leaves. Jonathan looks
after him, then picks the coffee up and follows him.
Light dims. Blackout.
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Scene 3
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David Preston’s
office at the Scientific Division. It’s a small office, with
books and technical manuals, a computer, a desk and a small
window. Barney Harper is waiting at the door to see David.
David enters - followed by Barney.
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DAVID
Did you want to see
me Barney?
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BARNEY
Yes, David. I have
a problem with the . . .
Enter Jonathan,
with the coffee cup.
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Oh, is this a bad time?
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DAVID
Maybe it is Barney.
Ah! Barney Harper, this is Jonathan Warren. He works for the big
boss.
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JONATHAN
No, don’t leave on
my account. (puts the coffee down). Nice to meet you Barney. (to
David) You left your coffee. Go on Barney don’t mind me.
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BARNEY
Ok. This morning we
found a bug in the processing requirements for the GPLC program
and a full 400 records bombed.
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DAVID
Well Fuck me! Did Richards
look at it?
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BARNEY
Yes. Twice. No go.
I was thinking we need Mike Frisco.
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DAIVD
Can’t afford him. (to
Joanthan) He’s a consultant. (to Barney) Have you run the code
yourself?
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BARNEY
Not yet.
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DAVID
Well, do your best.
But if we don’t get this fix today, we’ll be off-schedule - and
we can’t afford that. Let me know.
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Barney leaves.
David plops in his chair.
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Barney, close the door.
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Door closes.
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Shit! Piss and corruption!
This has been one fucking stressful day! Is your boss always like
that?
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JONATHAN
It’s his style.
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DAVID
Well, he really showed
his respect for the hard workers in this company by regarding
teamwork as crap and worthless. And how do you think I feel being
told all my efforts and passion can be tossed in the garbage.
What an asshole!
Realizing he said
these things to Jonathan
Oh. I’m sorry. This
is steam! I know you must think differently.
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JONATHAN
He’s an acquired taste.
Actually, the more he insults you, the more impressed he is with
you.
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DAVID
Impressed! I’m happy
he doesn’t love me to bits - ‘cause he’d probably blow me to bits.
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JONATHAN
You have quite a temper.
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DAVID
Well, I work very long
and hard hours. I’m very proud of the accomplishments of this
division; and when, the Chairmen of the Board minimizes it and
calls it a blight - and our success is the company’s problem -
it fries my ass. I can hardly be contained.
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And what’s all these
comments about me being Gay - What a homphobic prick! How can
I take this?
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JONATHAN
Calm down! Calm down!
When you hear what’s going on, you’ll see things in a different
light.
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DAVID
I will eh?
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JONATHAN
You will, eh!
(pause)
David suddenly
laughs.
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DAVID
OK. Brighten my day,
Jonathan. I defy you. Let’s hear it.
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Pause
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JOANATHAN
Ok. You’re being sold.
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DAVID:
(Standing) Sold!
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JONATHAN
Shhh! Not so loud.
This is a good thing.
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DAVID
For who? Who’s buying
us?
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JONATHAN
Listen to me - calm
down. We got a great offer - but before I can give you the details,
you need to sign this.
(takes a paper
from his breast pocket).
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DAVID
What’s this?
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JONATHAN
A confidentiality agreement.
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DAVID
(reads) Keep going.
I’ll sign it. Keep going.
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JONATHAN
Well, the Scientific
division is different - you’re correct in that. It’s grown and
growing and doesn’t fit the rest of the company’s marketplace.
In order to do what we need to do with the rest of the company,
J.B. needs quick cash. So, the Scientific is a monetized asset.
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DAVID
(signing) And who’s
the prospective buyer?
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JONATHAN
Hiram Linkletter.
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DAVID
Of that’s fine and
dandy. We’re being bought by the competition. They’ll smash us
to hell.
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JONATHAN
You’ll all get smashed
to hell if you’re not sold. Some of those great innovative ideas
and projects will get a willing ear - and I think the division
will merge quite painlessly for all.
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DAVID
You sound a little
like your boss now.
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JONATHAN
Well, it is practical.
And the question is whether you will sold as part of the deal.
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DAVID
Is there any question?
Silence
Oh there is? So, that’s
what all that crap was about me being Gay and all. I get it now/
My ideas are fine, but an openly Gay manager may diminish the
amount of cash value. So, no more dresses at work? Earring is
out! Do I marry the bosses daughter and have a kid. This is piracy.
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JONATHAN
You have to understand
how J.B. thinks. Before he negotiates a deal, he looks at all
aspects. Now, I am very important in this decision. He will listen
to my opinion in this matter. So, over the next few days, I want
to spend some time with your direct reports and some of the other
staff.
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DAVID
Snooping?
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JONATHAN
No, quantifying the
deal. And maybe we can talk about the new programs you plan and
let’s look at the track record.
Pause
You have problems with
someone looking over your shoulder?
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DAVID
Yes I do. It’s not
my style. How would you feel?
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JONATHAN
I will open myself
up to you. I won’t ask any question that I myself wouldn’t answer.
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DAVID
Ok. That’s fair. Are
you married?
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JONATHAN
(laughs) Oh, so you’re
first with the questions?
Pause
Ok, no, I’m not married.
And I went to Columbia University - MA in business. I’m originally
from a small town outside of Pittsburgh. I buy my suits at . .
.
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DAVID
. . . ok, ok, I get
the point. I see you also workout.
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JONATHAN:
New York Sports Club
- and I assume you work out at Gold’s?
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DAVID
(laughs. Drinks coffee).
This is cold. Listen, it’s almost quiting time. Are you humgry?
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JONATHAN
Famished.
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DAVID
I know a great place.
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Scene 4
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The office set
is struck, and the Café la Giraffe scene is rolled
out. There’s a table for two, a nice street level window with
a view of the street. David and Jonathan exit the office set,
and wend their way to the table for two. A waiter takes their
order. Other tables and diners are silhouetted. The waiter
pours some wine. The lights come up.
Jonathan lifts
his glass in a toast
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JONATHAN
To a success in this
venture.
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DAVID
Let’s not drink to
that. It takes me a little bit of time to warm up to things.
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JONATHAN
Well, how about drinking
to good company.
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DAVID
Good company!
(they clink and
drink)
What I don’t understand
is that you’re such a nice guy and you’re working for that . .
. that . . .
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JONATHAN
Prick!
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DAVID
Nicely and aptly put.
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JONATHAN
It has its rewards.
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DAVID
Is all the promotion
and advancement worth working for such an egotisitcal bastard.
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JONATHAN
Well, as I said, J.B.
is an acquired taste. But he has very particular views on leadership
and mangement. In fact, he once told me that the word "manage"
should be taken literally, from its root.
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DAVID
Its root?
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JONATHAN
The French manage
- the walk a horse through its paces.
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DAVID
Nice. Management is
something altogether different than that. There’s a human element
- not an equestrian one.
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JONATHAN
But, it's supposed
to be good for the horse - and the success of the enterprise.
The results are always predictable.
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DAVID:
Predictable? I should
say so. You have a bunch of trained monkeys under stress - and
the manager is under just as much stress. Where’s the spontaneity
and the innovation. Guidance is better than management - and guidance
to a mutually beneficial plan.
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JONATHAN
I believe in that.
That’s why I offer you some guidance through J.B.’s unconventional
ways. I know the man.
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DAVID
Guidance. I think I
know the man also.
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JONATHAN
Just a few adjustments
in style and he’ll be won over. Litle compromises that show him
he’s in control and he’s the boss.
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DAVID
You mean some guidance
in being less Gay at work. Now how could YOU help me there?
The waiter brings
them dinner (salads). He’s gorgeous and both men stare at
him. While Jonathan is staring - David changes his stare to
Jonathan. The waiter exits. Jonathan returns David’s stare.
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JONATHAN
What?
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DAVID
(averts his eyes)
Nothing.
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JONATHAN
(looks at his salad)
Looks pretty fresh.
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DAVID
(looks towards
the waiter)
I guess so. Pretty
fresh indeed.
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JONATHAN
What? Something wrong
with yours?
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DAVID
No. It’s fine.
(pause as they
eat)
Tell me, what do Gay
men from Pittsburgh do in Pittsburgh?
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JONATHAN
(drops his fork
in the salad and stares at David)
Why do you ask me?
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DAVID
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